Ten years ago, I was blessed with a tiny, but perfect little human replica of my husband. The feminine version.
I remember it all clearly, even now, all these years later. After dealing with the PUPPPs and other not so fun things, I was happy and hopeful for my induction. It started well, I was feeling not a thing and life was good. And then.. YOWCH. I don't remember a lot about the labor itself. I remember the heart decels, and the nurse thinking she had turned breech, I remember yelling at my mom that I seriously wanted my epidural at that time thank you very much. And I remember that after hours of effort, I was whisked off to the OR for an emergency c/s (Thank goodness for that epidural, so I didn't have to be put under)
I don't remember the actual c-section. I don't remember them showing Caitlyn to me. I do remember finally being in the recovery room and my mom and everyone coming to tell me how beautiful my baby was. I remember viewing pictures on phones and cameras and all I wanted was to see and hold my baby. I remember the nurse coming in often over the next few hours telling me "You should be sleeping." "You need to rest" As if I was ever actually going to drift off before I held my baby, NO thanks nurse lady. No thanks.
I'll never forget meeting her for the first time, some 7ish hours after her birth. This little 5lb whimpering thing. She was perfect. I remember bringing her home finally and freaking out over everything. But hey -- your newborn ripping off her own umbilical cord stump is quite a feat, right?!
I didn't know then what life would bring for her or me. I didn't know the fear of Kidney diseases. I didn't know her organs could turn against her. In the years I've been blessed to be Caitlyn's mom, I've learned a lot. About life. About love. About pain. About strength. I never would have expected all these lessons and I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to grow myself as a mother as we both learned to adjust to things outside our comfort levels. (Catheterizing your own child for one)
I've fought for you all your life as I also have taught you to fight for yourself. I hope you are paying attentions to these lessons girly. You are over halfway there, you are only years away from being an established adult (not that you won't always be my baby).
My wish for you on this tenth birthday, is the same as always. I hope as you grow and learn everyday you remain the strong, brave, beautiful, kind loving girl you have been all your life. May the years bring you more grace, more understanding, the best of friends, the joy of sisters, and the life you absolutely deserve.
May you never forget your past, your struggles, but grow from them, retain your strength and determination. Use your story to share these things with others, you have had such a unique experience being who you are and how you were made. Lend that understanding to others.
Welcome to double digits baby girl, I cannot wait to see what the next decade brings. For you. For me. For US.
